Sunday, May 20, 2007

a little more conversation, a little more persistence

We vent out our emotions with a friend.

We speak to those who we know cant solve the issue.

We open out to those who are not in any position to intervene(apart from telling them everything, we ask them not to do anything about it).


When do we stop communicating with the ones who matter? the one with whom we have a problem that needs to be addressed?

Is the issue with the mode of communication or the tone of communication. We tend to write a letter to the person who is there right next to us or send email to the person we spend our days with.

We fear confrontation, we avoid conflicts ( wont work all the time ) and we fear the outcome...

The details we provide, the way we narrate....The hours of discussion we have with a friend, we dont spend even 10-20% of that with the one with whom we have the issue, the one we love.

I believe self-awareness coupled with responsibility is a crucial ingredient.Also the realization that you can change your behaviour to make the other person change.

when do we stop talking?
when do we stop persisting?
when did anything else become more important than the relationship, the love?
when do we realize that we have built a wall?
what do we keep waiting for?

A tiny bulb goes out somewhere in a magnificient array of glimmerling lights and we dont notice that.soon, another one go off elsewhere... gradually...

What stops us from taking a step back from the emotions of issues and instead focus on finding positive, practical solutions?

Speak to the person with whom you have an issue, a problem. Communicate, talk to them. Not with others who cant do anything about it and pretty soon they are gonna just hear out for the sake of it.

Would like to quote a few from that wonderful book, Notes To Myself -

For communication to have meaning it must have a life. It must transcend
"you and me"
and become
. If I truly communicate, I see in you a life that is not me and partake of it. And you see and partake of me. In a small way we then grow out of our old selves and become something new. To have this kind of sharing I cannot enter a conversation clutching myself. I must enter it with loose boundaries. I must give myself to the relationship, and be willing to be what grows out of it.

I must do these things in order to communicate: Become aware of you (discover you). Make you aware of me (uncover myself). Be ready to change during our conversation.And be willing to reveal my changes to you.

Saturday, April 28, 2007

making sense out of everything

your fav team lost out on a game
you messed up on a very important task at work
you are now a stranger to your best friend
you have no idea why someone is giving you a hard time

and the list could go on, depending on which side of the coin turned up against you...

so, what do you do? how important or how disappointing is the loss of your fav team in that game than you messing up at work or losing the best friend? Is that the question? I feel the question that we most of the time ask is - WHY?

no matter how a certain has incident has impacted us, we tend to find answers.More than figuring about what are the answers, I would like to think about why do we attempt to find answers?

I believe that the answers are there, right before our eyes where we dont want to look. Is reasoning out just a case of "discovery of these answers". I feel it should be, and not an exercise in the invention of answers. Its only Mathematics which can provide definite answers because they can be PROVED.

what are we gonna do about it? this is a much wider topic with varying conclusions...would like to stick to this one for now -
making sense out of it all. the act of reasoning out.

Quite often, its suffice to understand that certain things are beyond your control and accept them as they have happened. If you were honest, if your intentions were unquestionable and if you have tried to the best of your ability, thats all you need to know. Thats all you need to assure yourselves of.

If we really need to go beyond this and reason out, then lets be aware of these pitfalls while doing so -

Circular reasoning

Analysis paralysis

Lets not become self-indulgent while doing so and always remember that no matter how hard we try and what we do about it...we are finally drawing our own conclusions. And thats how it would stay...

Each one to his version...each one to his own reason...each one paddling to his own shore..

So, why have I posted this one? What running inside my head now? What has happened now that I havent told u gus about? you are trying to reason out?

Monday, April 23, 2007

Pursuing gratification

In the 1960s a group of four-year olds were tested by being given a marshmallow and promised another, only if they could wait 20 minutes before eating the first one. Some children could wait and others could not. The researchers then followed the progress of each child into adolescence, and demonstrated that those with the ability to wait were better adjusted and more dependable.

Had read this in the book by Daniel Goleman - years ago in which he spoke about deferred gratification, which is defined as "the ability to wait in order to obtain something that one wants".

It sounds pretty simple and straight forward, but would mankind warm up to this idea? Most of us have poor impulse control and dont have the required patience to grow with an experience.

Watched the movie - The Pursuit Of Happyness recently.

To me, it was just the title which provoked my thoughts more than anything else. No, am not talking about the "y" in happyness...!

Happiness is quite often compared to a butterfly and its a fascinating thought that someone would embark on a quest to catch that butterfly..

Happiness is also referred to as something which a person carries within himself and should one pursue it outside?

Leaving aside all these the cliche'd definitions of happiness, I would think its a quest for something to do, something to hope for.

Now think about the characters in the movie and the terms - instant gratification and deferred gratification. You would know what I am talking about...

Pursuing higher education, pursuing perfection, pursuing excellence...
Probably, we should consider "The Pursuit of Happiness" along the same lines...though it need not necessarily lead one to contentment, to happiness.

Or, am I wrong?

Sunday, April 22, 2007

Poetry, Anyone?

Most of us dont read poetry.

Beyond school, we dont dig into poetry...wonder why??
Is poetry stuff for dreamers? For folks who arent practical?

Poetry isnt just decorative stuff, there is more substance to it and it can convey something more profound than hundreds of pages of a novel.

I have enjoyed poets and poetry all along and most of them have stayed on in my minds and influenced me in one way or the other...

There a few folks who dont dig into music, but there is a great majority of folks who enjoy music - no matter what the genre is...but then why dont we just enjoy poetry?

why are we hesitant to visit the poetry section of a bookstore? why dont we even think about it?

Whatever be your reason, make sure it rhymes!

See if you can make a start today and read a nice poetry and pass it onto others....

Just a few useful links, should you want to start today -


Harivansh Rai Bachchan

Collection of hindi poems


Subramaniya Bharathi


William Wordsworth - Lucy Gray

Rabindra Nath Tagore - Paper Boats

Rudyard Kipling - If

John Keats - A Thing Of Beauty

Pablo Neruda - Enigmas

Go on, find your song...and sing it out the way you want, to your tune and not to someone else's....

Saturday, February 17, 2007

How influential are we ?

influence - the action or process of producing effects on the actions, behavior, opinions, etc., of another or others:

Can a perfectly happy and content person be influenced by me to become unhappy, restless, dissatisfied & dis-illusioned? Does it signify his weakness or my strength ?

--> The converse could work too, but the question would remain the same.

Is the act of influencing an instantaneous step or long drawn process ?

Are positive influences quick to take effect or the negative influences ?

Does a positive influence stay longer with the person who has been influenced or does the negative influence ?

Would you consciously ever strive ( contrive ) to influence someone in a positive ( or negative ) way ?

I have worked with good teams for 8 years. I have worked worked, earned the praise from the customers and supervisors alike. Worked under great supervisors for the first 3 years. That has influenced me when I became a supervisor myself. Has that been a positive influence on me and would it influence the person who now reports to me ?

Is influence all about the person who is trying to control, making an impact or is also about the person who is absorbing all these ?

Sons of great masters dont become great masters themselves. Arent the great masters influential enough ?

The personalities whom we attract towards us are those who are influenced by us in some manner or the other. Does it reach a point where we get influenced by them ?

How much can we influence our friends, our parents, our spouse , our colleagues ? Our children ?

Should we ? Shouldnt we ? Consciously ?

Can this write-up influence you ?

Tuesday, February 6, 2007

What Gets You Going

We wake up and smell the coffee every day, day after day (or flowers or the burnt toast, doesnt matter). We freshen up, go to school or go to work. The details vary, depending on our age and current occupation. The places and people could change or could remain much the same.

No matter whatever be the role you are donning right now -

School / College
At the start of a career
Spouse & Kids

there is always an incentive....

[[ I didnt use the word 'motivation' deliberately. Its considered a holier word. Incentives sound practical and are quick to think and talk about. ]]

What is the incentive in store for you? Why do you do whatever you are doing - right now?

Are the incentives tangible ?
Are the incentives constantly changing ( by the day / month / year ) ?
Is your state of mind proportional to the incentives you intend to achieve ?
Are the incentives short-lived, though the task was arduous ?
Are the incentives superfluous ?

Regardless of its nature, I dont think that we do anything without an incentive in sight ( or in mind - subconscious or otherwise ).

So, What Gets You Going?